


Tearing Down Your Mystery

by shadesofhades



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-21
Updated: 2011-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 09:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofhades/pseuds/shadesofhades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jess met Sam, one of her favorite past times had quickly become piecing together bits of Sam's mysterious past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tearing Down Your Mystery

After Jess met Sam, one of her favorite pastimes had quickly become piecing together bits of Sam's mysterious past. He hadn't made her hobby an easy one, but maybe that was why she liked it so much, liked _Sam_ so much, because she couldn't ever quite figure it out, figure _him_ out, and really, that mystery was what kept their relationship fresh.

  Jess knew that there was a guy that Sam had once liked -- quite possibly even loved -- when he was in high school, a guy named Dean. Jess had been surprised by that, but had just learned to accept that fact as part of who Sam was, and really, she wouldn't have him any other way.

  Jess also knew that Sam had a brother he adored and admired more than anyone else, even if he wouldn't tell her point blank, she knew it was true, she could see it in his eyes whenever he would talk about him with reverence sharp in his voice. She knew that he had taken care of Sam, practically raised him growing up, and that his brother had nearly been Sam's whole world when he was young, until Dean had taken his place.  

Jess knew she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she was at least the slightest bit jealous of what Dean had been to Sam. She knew she shouldn't be, because when it all came down to it, she knew that despite the fact that Sam had loved him, _she_ was the one he was with now. But there was so much that she could never be to Sam, no matter how much she tried. Dean had been Sam's first, and Jess knew that all the hoping in the world would never help her to replace him, and in all honesty, she wasn't sure she wanted to. It was obvious to her that Dean was on a different level than she was, and always would be, and she just had to accept that fact.  

She didn't pretend to understand and wasn't sure she ever would, but she supported Sam, loved Sam, so she tried as hard as she could.

  But imagine her shock when she realized, though she wasn’t even sure _what_ made her realize -- it just clicked into place one day like a puzzle piece, bringing some clarity to the whole picture that was Sam -- that Sam's loving older brother and _Dean_ were the same person.

  Jess's first reaction was that Dean had taken advantage of Sam. That he was sick. That he must have _forced_ his affection on Sam, because he would have never agreed to it, never, unless he had been forced.

 _But she knew by the love that radiated from his voice when he spoke so fondly of Dean, that what she wanted to believe, she couldn't. And she never called him on it, just sat and listened to the few stories he was willing to let slip, grateful that he never realized that she had figured out one of the many great mysteries of his life._

 _It isn't until many months later when she finally lets spill forth the knowledge she holds, as she's facing Dean, the man whom Sam had finally let go for her, Dean, the brother that had shown Sam unconditional love up until he’d left for Stanford, _Dean,_ who’s standing in the living room of their small apartment, looking like he wants nothing more than to wrap Sam in a tight embrace and never let go, but Sam hangs onto his pretenses and introduces him as, “Dean.”_

  Jess just stands still, poised in the doorway, giving Sam a half-smile, because she knows it's finally time to tell him:

“Wait, your brother, Dean?”

  And she knows that Sam's heart is skipping a beat as he looks at her -- as if seeing her for the first time -- and she wonders if it's because, just maybe, in his own mind he really had separated the two from each other, separated the memories so that he could function within normalcy, so that he didn't feel the guilt at what he had done -- and with _whom_ \-- rise up in him.  

 _The guilt on his face at her words is enough to break her heart and wish she had never sought to understand Sam so thoroughly, and just let him be _Sam, her_ Sam, not Dean's, never Dean's, because she knows right then that her knowledge of them is hurting Sam more than the knowledge of what he and Dean had done all those years ago when they were still kids, struggling to make sense of their world._

  And for the first time since she’s met him, Jess wishes Sam was still just an unsolved mystery to her.

 

END.


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